Self-control is the ability or act of restraining one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires. It is a cognitive process that is necessary for achieving specific goals. It is also related to emotional self-regulation .

Self-control is a limited resource that functions like energy. Self-control is what separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. It allows us to plan, evaluate alternative actions, and avoid doing things we’ll later regret, rather than immediately respond to every impulse as it arises.

Self-control is a key aspect of executive function, the suite of skills that allow an individual to plan, monitor, and attain goals. Self-control has many benefits for our well-being and success. It can help us resist temptations, overcome procrastination, cope with stress, regulate our emotions, improve our health, and achieve our long-term aspirations.

It can also enhance our relationships by making us more empathic, cooperative, and trustworthy. However, self-control is not easy to maintain. It can fluctuate depending on our mood, motivation, environment, and other factors. It can also be depleted by repeated use or by high demands on our mental energy. When we are low on self-control, we are more likely to give in to impulses, act impulsively, make poor decisions, and behave in ways that are harmful to ourselves or others.

Before we dive deep into the matter at hand let’s see who are the people who were able to maintain their self-control.

Maintaining self control did not start today:

• Joseph – He refused to sleep with Potiphar’s wife, even though she tried to seduce him many times. He fled from her and remained faithful to God and his master12 (Genesis 39:1-20).

• Abigail – She acted wisely and quickly when her husband Nabal insulted David and provoked his wrath. She brought gifts and food to David and his men, and apologized for her husband’s folly. She also restrained herself from telling Nabal what she had done until he was sober (1 Samuel 25:2-42).

• Jesus – He showed self control in many ways throughout his life and ministry. He resisted the devil’s temptations in the wilderness, he did not retaliate when he was mocked and insulted by the Pharisees, he paid the temple tax though he was the Son of God, he had compassion on his sleepy disciples in Gethsemane, and he did not resist arrest or call down legions of angels to save him from the cross (Matthew 4:1-11; 17:24-27; 26:36-56; 27:11-50). These are just some of the examples of self control in the Bible. There are many more that you can learn from and imitate.

Therefore, it is important to learn how to improve our self-control and make it more sustainable. In this article, we will explore some strategies that can help us do so.

Why Do We Need Self-Control?

Self-control is essential for achieving any goal that requires effort, persistence, and delay of gratification. Without self-control, we would be easily distracted by short-term rewards or obstacles and lose sight of our long-term vision. For example, if we want to save money for a vacation, we need to resist spending on unnecessary items or impulse purchases. If we want to lose weight, we need to avoid overeating or indulging in unhealthy foods. If we want to study for an exam, we need to avoid procrastinating or getting sidetracked by social media.

Self-control is also important for regulating our emotions and behaviors in social situations. Without self-control, we would be unable to control our anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety and might lash out at others or withdraw from them. We would also be unable to cooperate with others, follow rules and norms, or honor our commitments and promises. For example, if we are angry at someone, we need to restrain ourselves from saying or doing something hurtful or aggressive. If we are working on a group project, we need to contribute our fair share and respect the opinions and feelings of others. If we have made a promise to someone, we need to keep it and not break it. Self-control is also crucial for maintaining our health and well-being. Without self-control, we would be unable to take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally. We would neglect our basic needs such as sleep, exercise, nutrition, hygiene, and relaxation. We would also engage in risky or harmful behaviors such as smoking, drinking excessively, using drugs, gambling excessively etc. Self-control is therefore a vital skill that can help us achieve our personal and professional goals as well as enhance our quality of life.

How Can We Improve Our Self-Control?

There are many ways to improve our self-control and make it more effective and lasting.

Here are some of the most common and evidence-based strategies:

1) Set clear and realistic goals

One of the first steps to improving our self-control is to set clear and realistic goals that are meaningful and attainable for us. Having a clear goal can help us focus our attention and motivation on what matters most and avoid distractions or temptations that might derail us from our path. Having a realistic goal can help us avoid frustration or disappointment that might undermine our self-control if we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves.

To set clear and realistic goals, we can use the SMART criteria:

• Specific: The goal should be clearly defined and stated in concrete terms. For example, instead of saying “I want to be healthier”, say “I want to eat more fruits and vegetables and exercise at least three times a week”.

• Measurable: The goal should be quantifiable and trackable. For example, instead of saying “I want to save more money”, say “I want to save $5000 by the end of the year”.

• Achievable: The goal should be challenging but not impossible. For example, instead of saying “I want to run a marathon”, say “I want to run a 10K race”.

• Relevant: The goal should be aligned with our values and interests. For example, instead of saying “I want to learn a new language”, say “I want to learn Spanish because I love traveling to Spain”.

• Time-bound: The goal should have a specific deadline or timeframe. For example, instead of saying “I want to read more books”, say “I want to read one book per month”.

Setting clear and realistic goals can help us improve our self-control by giving us a sense of direction, purpose, and progress.

2) Break down big goals into smaller steps Another way to improve our self-control is to break down big goals into smaller steps that are easier to manage and accomplish.

Having smaller steps can help us reduce the complexity and difficulty of the task and increase our confidence and motivation. It can also help us monitor our performance and celebrate our achievements along the way.

To break down big goals into smaller steps, we can use the following tips:

• Divide the goal into sub-goals that are related and sequential. For example, if the goal is to write a 5000-word article, the sub-goals could be: research the topic, outline the main points, write the introduction, write the body paragraphs, write the conclusion, edit and proofread the article.

• Assign each sub-goal a specific action or behavior that is observable and verifiable. For example, if the sub-goal is to research the topic, the action could be: search for relevant sources online, read and take notes from at least five sources, cite the sources properly.

• Estimate the time and resources needed for each sub-goal and plan accordingly. For example, if the sub-goal is to write the introduction, the time needed could be: 30 minutes, and the resources needed could be: a computer, a word processor, an internet connection.

• Schedule each sub-goal in your calendar or planner and set reminders or alarms. For example, if the sub-goal is to write the body paragraphs, you could schedule it for Monday from 10 am to 12 pm and set a reminder on your phone or computer.

• Review your progress regularly and adjust your plan as needed. For example, if you find that you are running behind schedule or facing difficulties with a sub-goal, you could revise your timeline or seek help from others. Breaking down big goals into smaller steps can help us improve our self-control by making the task more manageable and rewarding.

3) Use implementation intentions

A third way to improve our self-control is to use implementation intentions, which are specific plans that link a situation with a response. Implementation intentions can help us automate our behavior and reduce the need for conscious effort or willpower. They can also help us overcome obstacles or challenges that might interfere with our goal pursuit.

To use implementation intentions, we can use the following formula:

• If (situation), then I will (response). For example:

• If I feel tempted to eat junk food, then I will drink a glass of water and eat a piece of fruit.

• If I feel like procrastinating on my work, then I will set a timer for 25 minutes and work on one task without interruption.

• If I feel angry or frustrated with someone, then I will take a deep breath and count to ten before responding.

Using implementation intentions can help us improve our self-control by creating automatic associations between cues and actions that are consistent with our goals.

4) Strengthen your self-awareness

A fourth way to improve our self-control is to strengthen our self-awareness, which is the ability to monitor and regulate our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Self-awareness can help us recognize when we are low on self-control and take preventive or corrective measures. It can also help us identify our triggers or vulnerabilities that might undermine our self-control.

To strengthen our self-awareness, we can use the following strategies:

• Keep a journal or diary where you record your goals, actions, outcomes, emotions, and thoughts on a daily basis. This can help you reflect on your patterns of behavior and learn from your successes and failures.

• Use mindfulness techniques such as meditation, breathing exercises, or body scans to increase your attention and awareness of your present moment experience. This can help you calm your mind and body and reduce stress or negative emotions that might impair your self-control.

• Seek feedback from others such as friends, family members, mentors, or coaches who can offer you honest and constructive criticism or advice. This can help you gain new perspectives and insights on your strengths and weaknesses and improve your performance.

5) Use positive reinforcement

A fifth way to improve our self-control is to use positive reinforcement, which is the process of rewarding ourselves for desirable behaviors or outcomes. Positive reinforcement can help us increase our motivation and satisfaction and maintain our self-control over time. It can also help us counteract the negative effects of stress or failure that might weaken our self-control.

To use positive reinforcement, we can use the following tips:

• Choose rewards that are meaningful and enjoyable for us.

For example, if we love reading, we can reward ourselves with a new book. If we love music, we can reward ourselves with a concert ticket.

• Choose rewards that are consistent and compatible with our goals.

For example, if our goal is to lose weight, we should not reward ourselves with junk food or sweets. Instead, we can reward ourselves with a new outfit or a spa treatment.

• Choose rewards that are proportional and timely.

For example, if our goal is to write a 5000-word article, we should not reward ourselves with a vacation after writing one paragraph. Instead, we can reward ourselves with a coffee break after writing one section. We should also reward ourselves as soon as possible after completing the task, not weeks or months later.

Using positive reinforcement can help us improve our self-control by making the process more fun and rewarding.

6) Seek social support

A sixth way to improve our self-control is to seek social support from others who share our goals or values. Social support can help us boost our self-esteem and confidence and reduce our stress and loneliness. It can also help us learn from others’ experiences and strategies and receive feedback and encouragement.

To seek social support, we can use the following tips:

• Join a group or community that is relevant to our goal.

For example, if our goal is to quit smoking, we can join a support group or an online forum where we can interact with other people who are trying to quit or have successfully quit.

• Find a partner or buddy who can help us stay accountable and motivated. For example, if our goal is to exercise more, we can find a friend or family member who can join us for workouts or check in with us regularly.

• Ask for help or advice from someone who has expertise or experience in our goal area. For example, if our goal is to improve our writing skills, we can ask for feedback or guidance from a teacher, mentor, or coach.
Seeking social support can help us improve our self-control by making us feel more connected and supported.

7) Above all you must pray in spirit and in truth and read the Bible, for the Word of God is the lamp in our lives.

There are many Bible verses that support self control as a virtue and a fruit of the Spirit.

Here are some examples:

• Proverbs 25:28 – A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

• Galatians 5:22-23 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

• 2 Timothy 1:7 – For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control2.

• 1 Corinthians 9:25-27 – Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

• Titus 2:11-12 – For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age. I hope these verses encourage you to practice self control in your life.

Self Control is achievable!

The Conclusion

Self-control is a valuable skill that can help us achieve our goals and improve our well-being.

However, it is not always easy to maintain or enhance. Fortunately, there are many strategies that can help us improve our self-control and make it more effective and lasting.

Some of these strategies include:

• Setting clear and realistic goals

• Breaking down big goals into smaller steps

• Using implementation intentions

• Strengthening our self-awareness

• Using positive reinforcement

• Seeking social support

° Praying in spirit and in truth while reading the Bible for great wisdom.

By applying these strategies consistently and persistently, we can improve our self-control and enjoy the benefits of being more disciplined, determined, and successful.